Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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