Christians are straight up FREAKS
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize