4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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