hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
