I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
