if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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