You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
