Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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