sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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