FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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