I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
