Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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