i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
