I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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