I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
