Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize