you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
