He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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