i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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