I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
