alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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