Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is it penis luge time yet?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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