i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
thus making me awesome and them whores
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
