i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
