I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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