by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
