So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
