he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
