there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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