One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize