Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
