As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
