But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
