Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
