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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
