I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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