singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
