Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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