susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
