I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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