how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
