he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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