EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
