meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
