I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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