Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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