I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
