she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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