I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
