Can i not drive my cunt home
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
