I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
