I cannot find my penis.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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