hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
