he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
