RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
