We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
