I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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