I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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