I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
