Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
