Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i will never coherently bang her
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
