he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
