So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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