in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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