Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
